Crazy? Party of One? Your Straight Jacket's Ready

I had it.
One of those moments that sneaks up on you where suddenly you feel like you are really about to lose it. One of those moments that is the culmination of a million little things that when you pile them up, become a mountain of irritability and crazy that makes you fantasize about speeding down a scenic highway, top down (without your hair getting messed up) towards a gorgeous B&B - BY YOURSELF!

"Mother Leaves Children with Husband and Disappears for Days."
Yeah, if I read that headline most any other time, I would think, "What the hell is she thinking? They must be so worried about her. Her kids must miss her terribly!"
After my moment today, I am so Thelma to that mom's Louise.

Sometimes, you just need to take a step back.
Granted, most of us don't have the time, resources or appropriate child care to take off to Cali for the weekend, but you'd be amazed what five minutes locked in the bathroom with a Diet Coke and People magazine can do for you.

Fact is, this "Mom" gig is a full time job, but there's no workman's comp - so my much stepped on toes just have to make due with a pedicure every once in a great while and the always cute, "Sorry Mommy."

Last time I checked, there's no overtime pay - but I firmly believe this is why the DVR was invented. I can watch the program of my choice without commercials and, more importantly, without pleas to watch "Go Diego Go!" incessantly. I can only imagine how much my mother would have appreciated having DVR'd episodes of
St. Elsewhere and Magnum P.I. in her late night survival kit. I think she finally figured out how to use hers now, so I firmly believe the only fair thing to do is send her my kids for a few days so she can really appreciate its genius.

I take solace in the fact that I am not the only mother out there who feels, from time to time, like she has completely lost it. Who's certain that she's made some monumental error in raising her children and is convinced that the gummy bears she let her kids have will trigger a chemical reaction in her kids' brains that will increase their chances of dropping out of college.

Seriously - I better not be the only one out there.

Luckily, these trips to the dark side are just that, momentary jaunts to pretty much the polar opposite of my happy place. I guess, if I want to get all Oprah about it, I could say that the little wonderful moments that happen all the time wouldn't be as wonderful if we hadn't just calculated the cost of full day versus half day pre-school in our head. Twice.

Moments like my daughter hugging me and saying, "Thanks for cleaning up my room for me Mommy, I really appreciate it," or my son holding his arms out as wide as he can and saying, "I love you dis much Mama!" mean that much more to me after moments like I had today. And frankly, that "love you dis much" move saves my son on pretty much a daily basis.

That moment earlier, when I thought about DNA testing to see if my son's father's real name was Damien, seems like days ago. The kids are sleeping soundly. My DVR'd episode of Ellen is on in the very quiet background and I can relax and take a deep breath - without wondering if that weird smell is something the kids did or the dogs did.

So this Mom will live to fight another day. As long as I have Diet Coke in the fridge and my People magazine subscription is paid in full.